Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
When I was a little girl, we used to go visit my grandparents for holidays, and usually my sisters and I would go spend a few days - sometimes a full week - with them during the summer. We only lived a couple hours away, but sometimes that's the only times we would see them.
When bed time came, we had one of two options for where we would sleep. My grandparents house was - and still is - not huge, but just perfect for what they needed, and very accommodating. Bedtime, though, was another story. It was a mix of emotions, especially as a little girl. You see, on one hand, the sheets were the most amazing thing in the world for me. They weren't some high priced, sleeping on silk type of experience - but we always got the sheets that were right out of the linen closet. There's a certain smell that comes with sheets that had been washed, dried, folded, and stored with the other linens, waiting for their perfect use. You know the smell! It's amazing, and I've never found anything to replicate it perfectly. I always looked forward to those sheets.
But on the other hand.....
If I had been placed in the middle bedroom, it meant I was probably going to be alone - there was only a small twin size bed in that room. On the wall, they had these really neat profile images of (I would grow to realize) my mother, her sisters, and her twin brother. Profiles in a solid black, against a white outline, in oval frames. So perfect - and so scary. When you're 8 years old, lying in those comfy sheets at night, with all lights out, in a bed you are familiar with, but not fully accustomed to, and then you see these faces on the wall. Let me just assure you, not much more could have creeped me out.
My other option, then, was the back bedroom. Really, there are two back bedrooms, but one belonged to my grandparents, so the opposite room from theirs was fondly dubbed 'the back bedroom'. The bed there was larger, so two of us would be there together. There was an antique old chaise lounge in there as well - sometimes one of us would sleep on it, which meant the other kid got the good blessing of having a queen sized bed to themselves, with those amazing clean sheets. Except.... there was this light. In reality, it was just the small, blinking green light from their VCR (yehap - a VCR - a novelty these days!). But when all the lights are off, and that's the only thing you can see, and you have an imagination as wild as mine - it could have been just about anything. Part of me wanted it to just stay on so it would quit blinking, part of me wanted it to quit it's creepy blinking, and part of me was glad for at least some light. But it would just come and go every other second, not committing to anything.
Usually, about the 3rd or 4th night, I think, I would finally adjust to it and the pictures or light wouldn't be an issue - and then there would be a night or two of peace before I would go back home, not to see these visual tricks of the imagination for months.
Here's the funny thing - looking back now, I have a different perspective. You see, now I'm a adult. I've been there, done that, and see how silly it was to worry over something so childish. Hindsight, after all, is 20/20. Now, I love those pictures in the middle bedroom. Their unique perspective on the faces of the children my grandparents love so much - the originality of them. I plan on replicating them some day soon for my children. That light on the VCR - well, it was really nothing. Sometimes at night, when I have this very laptop plugged in beside my bed, there is a light beside the port connection that flashes off and on in a similar fashion, and oddly enough - it's comforting somehow.
Why did I say all this? Well, maybe I like reminiscing - I do. It's so much more than that, though. You see, when I lay in bed as a young child, and let my fears get the best of me, I was in a position of non-understanding. I didn't understand exactly what I was seeing, or didn't understand why a little light would bother me so badly, or why everything seemed to be much bigger and creepier at night than other times. How many times do we look around us, at where God has allowed us to be, or what He's allowed us to go through, and not understand what we are seeing? It may seem fruitless, looking at where you are, what you are doing, and knowing that it's nothing but hard. We don't understand where we are supposed to go from here on, what we are supposed to do - there's no light. But then God brings PEACE.
I remember a time, not too many years ago, where I was walking through one of the darkest times in my life. I had four children, all 5 and under, and I felt like I was almost completely alone. Yet somehow, God brought Peace. Not because I could see where I was going, not because I could see why I was allowed to be in this situation, and definitely not because I enjoyed myself in that particular state of being. Through all that, though - I had Peace. Each day, I would wake up with that same fearful feeling I got as a little child, not knowing if what I was seeing was truth, or just a trick of the eyes. When I felt completely overwhelmed, which sometimes only took a matter of minutes, God would bring Peace. And each day, somehow, I wouldn't worry about what was coming next.
Fast forward and now, all these years later, when I look back on that time in life - and many others similar - it's kind of like looking back on my grandparents bedrooms. I can see how small a matter those really were, although they seemed great, and can see why God allowed me to go through that. I can see where He taught me through those circumstances, and how He used them to also show me that He will always be close, if I am searching for Him.
Most of all, I can see the overwhelming Peace He sent. Peace, to not be afraid. Peace, to go on when I can't see the outcome. Peace, to trust Him to know what is best for me. Peace, as a confirmation of what I can lean on for future times when I am again scared, afraid, unsure.
PEACE
As much as at the time, I wanted nothing more than to be out of that uncomfortable feeling - now, I'd gladly go back and do it all again. I don't say that because I enjoyed it - in fact, that's not completely true for every experience, because some of them I have no desire to repeat ever. But I do love the memory of that daily dose of Peace that God brought - sufficient to the day. Not more than I needed, not less - just enough for each day's requirements.
Just as I would finally adjust to those little disturbances to my sleep in those long ago bedrooms, and finally be 'okay', and then I would go back home, God tends to work the same way sometimes. He brings us through something - a change, a valley, a time of learning - and when we finally realize we can trust Him, and that all the things we thought were big problems really are minor compared to Him, then He moves us on. On to the next lesson, the next situation - the next thing He has for us. But we can carry that knowledge that no matter what, no matter where - God is more than capable of bringing unmeasurable Peace through it all.
That's sometimes all we need to know :)
